The Chronicles of Legolas & Goth Cat
by Kurama2222
Summary: After a fateful encounter in Elrond's bar, Legolas and a very swanky cat find either true love... or a deep-seeded hate? Please read and review!
1. Chapter 1

**LEGOLAS &amp; GOTH CAT: Prologue**

Disclaimer: I do not own the Lord of the Rings or the picture of Goth Cat.

Characters in cover pic:

ORLANDO BLOOM – Legolas

HUGO WEAVING – Eldrond

? - GOTH CAT

Legolas Greenleaf walked into the bar of Eldrond in the elf city in Middle-Earth. Elrdond was standing behind the counter, cleaning a glass like Moe from the simpsons. To be honest, he kind of looks like Moe from the Simpsons.

Legolas sat down at the bar and asked Elrdon for a mead of ale. Elrond complied, handing a glass of yellow to his elf friend. It did not lock like a mead of ale, to be completely honesty.

'Thank you,' said Legolas G., sipping his drink.

'No problem, ' said Elrdon. He was wearing a gothic robe with a picture of a gothic version of Galadriel on the front. It was bloody from when they faught Sauron in the gates of the abyss before movie one.

Lefolas finished his drink and was benign to get up and leave. But before he could even bother 2 do that, a swanky cat entered!

The cat was wearing a gothic top hat with a skull and petagream smeared on the spork of the harps rim. The cat was black and had 2 red pentagrams for eyes and also was wearing a pentagram necklace!

'Hi.' It spoke. 'I'm Pentagram Ghoul-Gurl Vincentia Venice. But my friends just like to call me Goth Cat.'

Legolas had never seen a cat so swanky and cute and gothic! Legolas was conpletly in love with the feline. 'H-hi,' He said nervously.

'Hi,' the she-cat said, confidently.'

Legolas went red and Elrond started to sweat nervously. He left the bar and Legolas and Pentagram were together in the bar alone. A heart floated up.


	2. Gandalf's Test Results

Legolas and Goth Cat 2

The feline and the elf were completely in love. They stayed at Elrond's bar for many weeks, drinking, and eating and beep beep beep!

One day Elrond had enough of the two lovers in his bar eating his pickled eggs. 'Get out!' He said.

'No!' said Legolas and Pentagram together.

'Do it or else! I will call the Middle Earth Police Department!'

'Nothing can stop our luv!' said Pentagram, she gnawed on a mouldy egg.

Love, Elrond thought, that is it! He would destroy the love between Legolas and Goth Cat! But how?

Elrond spent many more days watching Pentagram and Legolas. They were disgusting. Elrond hated bestiality! But Elrond had come up with his plan. He noticed that Pentagram would always look thru Legolas' things. In case he was cheating. So he decided he would put a picture of another cat in Legolas' trunk! Elerdon printed out a pic of a cat and placed in in Legolas' trunk. This would surely work!

10 minutes later he heard the yowling of a cat and LEgolas' angry yells.

'I didn't cheat!' yelled Legolas.

'Meow Meow! (Yes u did).' Said Pentagram, she was wearing a black corset with a skeleton.

'Whoah whoah!' said Elrerond, smiling. 'We can settle this, Pentagram, do you have proof.'

Pentagram showed him the picture. It said 'Elrond Computers' on the top right. 'Meow!'

'Hmmm.' Said Elrond. 'This is hard evidence. Legolas r u sure u didn't cheat?'

'Yes, I am sure.'

'Well there's only one way to solve this … the lie detector test on da Gandalf Springer show!'

Chapter 2.5

Lerond, Legolas, and Pentagram prepared to go to Gondor for Galndalf's studio for the show. They boarded a pair of Mumakils and rode there.

'I didn't sheet!' said Leogollum but Pentagram just scratched him on the face.

They arrived at Gandalf's place. It was really rusty and there was a gigantic picture of Andrew Lincoln on the wall. The were lots of hobbits, elves, dwarves, and even Smaug were in the audience. Gandalf was sitting on a table on the stage snorting cocaine lines. He wore a black wizard hat with a plushy of Kyubey from Puella Magi Madoka Magica dangling from it. He was also wearing a ripped up checkerboard tuzedo and was fondling a cane made of pages from the Twilight Saga.

'Oh hello!' the intoxicated wizard said. 'Sit down, fools.'

'Hello.' Said Elfond timidly. The three sat down on the tables and the audience cackled.

A fat woman with approximately thirty chins came up and said:

'Cocaine-sama!' and then kicked Gandalf in the crotch.

'Ok, now we may begin,' said Gandalf. 'Wat is your problem.'

'Meow,' said Pentagram.

'Hmmm,' said Gandalf as he smoked a gigantic cigar. 'So the yellow woman cheated on u?'

'I'm a guy!' said Legolas.

Gandalf understood everything and got the lie detector test out. He tested Legolas. Then they waited. Pentagram was crying on the couch and Elrond was comforting the feline. Her ears were down.

Thirty minutes later, the results were in. Ganfool read them out.

'Legolas, you were asked if you ever cheated on Pentagram. You said no. The lie detector determined…. That was a LIE!'

'Ohhhhhhhh!' screamed the audience. Smaug breathed fire. Pentagram was trying to kill Legolas.

'Ok ok second question.' Gandalf continued. 'You were asked if you ever truly luved Pentagram. You said yes the lie detector determined… You were telling the TRUUUUTH!'

'Omg!' said the audience

'That's enough!' Said Pentagram. 'Legolas I h8 u!'

'Noooooo!' said Legolas as he snorted some of Gandalf's cocaine. 'Nooo!'

'I'm leaving!' said Pentagram, but just then SMaug reached over and kissed Pentagram on the lips! The audience gasped.

AN: Please review and patiently wait next chapter.!


	3. Cat Scene

(Whalcum. A nu wrighter 4 leggolass and gothcat iz nao here! If u lik his work check out his hit stori UVERworld, Over Westeros!)

"I luv yew Pentagram!" Smlag said 2 Goth Cat

"I-.. I've ulways luved u 2 babe!" Pentagram said bak 2 Smaug, she reached up and kissed smkafg on teh scaley lips, Skag gave Pentagram loz of kissing acton like licking and stuff.

Elrond smirked and lol'd as he saw Pentagram and Skaug making out, he run 2 tell Legolas of teh news uf her affair.

"Legoless ur xgf Goth Cat is macking out with Smaugh!"

*Gasp* "nu! It's Imposserbal! Shu said she luved me and shu chated on me what a bish!"

"Im afrad its 2 lat legolass and Pentagram. U must gat ovur hur and luv another!"

"I hate Gof Cat that chuter pussy. I have already fund a new luver! Hare she is!"

Legolas points to the door. A shadow unters the bar &amp; in walks a new woman. She stepped in2 teh bar dressed in a BOTDF T-shirt and skinny und multi-colorded jeans! She has rainbow fur coloured on2 her head like red, green, purple and further looking! She was Scene Cat!

"Wut if the fuk is dat…" Elrond said as Scene cat untered.

"Thas mah nu Gf hur name is xXXMeowSoulsxXx isn't shu beautiful!?"

"she luuks like a rainbow puke took a dumb on a cat and made ti into a shit!"

*Legolas gasps and xXxMeowSoulsxXX meows* "how dar u fggot! We r leavigmn!

With that, Legolass and Trash cat left the bar.

Elrond sipped his ale in complute disgrase frum Legols nu gf. "Goth Cat waz su much better I nuver should hve split tem up!" elcont started 2 cri in his bar drinking all his booze.

Legolas and xXxMeowSoulsxXx want 2 teh river and sat.

"Ou MewSouls I luv u."

« I luv u 2 bby, omg so perf. »

Scene Cat took ut her celluphone and took a pic of dem and posted it on Tumblr with the tag '#Scenecouples #sceneluv #Scenequeen'

"Omg alrudy liek 200 liks omg legolas wure so pulular!"

"U r my luv and want every1 2 know this!"

"Meow!" Scene Cat says before she jumps on Legolas and starts to kiss him. A heart flows and pops up abuv the 2 luvers heads as they kiss.

Pentagram spied 0n Legolas and Scene cat. Aldoe shu cheated on Legoluss, she lved huim still. She started to cri as she suw Legocat and Spawn of cancer scene cat. She walked away, tears down her black fur, shee wanted Legolas back.

Pentagram walked into Elronds bar and sat in teh bar.

"Pentagram.. the fuk u doin in my bar!?" Elrond yelled

"ELkond! Plz I miss Legolas.. I luv him!"

"Get out u stooid cat!"

Goth Cat cried moar and left teh bar.

Elrond sighed, He fult bad for Goth Cat even though she waz a bitsh. Hu flipped the open sign 2 open and waz ready 2 think of whaty hu needed 2 do to save teh day.


End file.
